• conniegensamer

Charli, the inanimate object of my homework

  • Choose an inanimate object in your work-space. Note: This could be a chair, desk, plant, pencil, or whatever catches your eye.

  • Write a blog about the following:

  • What is the story of this object?

  • Imagine it sitting next to another object of its kind but of much better or much worse quality:

  • What is it thinking about that other object?

  • How does it feel being compared to it?

  • Now, what advice would this object give you if it could talk?

Hi, my name is Charlie, you could take the e off and no one would be the wiser. I’m not sure if I have a sex, since I am beige but no one calls me Charli so, they really don’t know one way or the other, it’s not like I could talk or anything. …hehe, well I guess I do know how to be channeled but that’s a story for a different day.

So, I stand here all day basically in the same position, I have four legs and one added leg…yeah, my Mistress and her mate were worried about weight and people that come and lay on me so, he gratefully added a center section to me that allows for that…but I come with four adjustable legs…not that you could do that with that center section…but you understand, right?

Bright and early in the morning my Mistress comes to this room and checks her computer and some mornings she comes in and lights some smelly stuff with a lighter and then she mumbles a few, I think they are called prayers, and then she’s off on her day. Four days a week for hours at a time, my family leave me, and then they return, and sometimes my Mistress bumps into me and I could just squeeee, but that would require a voice box, and a throat, or hey maybe speakers, oh yeah, I’d need to have a sound card too…well I’m digressing.

So my story…well it’s not really my story, it’s about my Mistress, she’s dreamy. Ok, all of you Fifty Shades of Grey folks, she’s not THAT kind of a Mistress. I just use that name as a respect thing. Geez, get your mind out of the… hmmmm…. Well… Crap, see what you made me do? You made me mention that show again… Crap… there my mind goes again. <Slaps self, yeah, like that helped>

Ok, so, my Mistress is a holistic healing practitioner, she has people come over and they talk over me because, I’m the center of attention. Sometimes, I am used as a table and papers are passed over me, sometimes, she puts that big clipboard on me so she can write, sometimes books, and notebooks and even her coffee and water bottles have sat on me. I get more fun out of the cats, yeah, she owns a cat that sometimes jumps on me and the cat likes to play with the string that is under me. From what I understand, Cat is the females cat’s name, <they couldn’t come up with a better name, and the feline answers to it> then they have one called, “not my cat”, which they also call Howard, humans are strange aren’t they?

So these people that come over, talk to my Mistress and she patiently listens to them, then sometimes they get to lay on me while she does her work. Sometimes she pokes them in the ear, yeah, I know, hurts sometimes too. Sometimes she does this thing called Somatic Repatterning, she asks them a whole bunch of questions and then they leak, yeah, salty water, could someone please explain this phenomenon, please? Anyway, they seem to get lighter and they leave. Sometimes, when things are really heavy, my Mistress holds out her hands over the people and I can feel this energy moving and passing and I don’t know how to describe it, it’s like all the colors of the universe merge into her hands and goes into the people that lay on me. It really is an INCREDIABLE feeling…I just want to melt. And I’m not even sure how the humans feel about it but I LOVE it when she does that.

There are days when she puts that warm computer on me and works directly off of me, yeah, that’s a good day for me, all of her attention is on the fact that she’s working off of me. There have been days when she’s laid on me. I remember this day when her mate left and she was here and she didn’t feel like my mistress. She was feeling badly I suppose and she watched her monitor and laid on me. That was the day I gave her all the healing energy I could and after two days she got better and moved to that god awful couch in the living room. Try as I might, I’m not a bed.

I have witnessed her looking at other items like me, she was drooling, and can you imagine actually drooling over this thing called a Massage table bed chair beauty barber chair…not table <sticks out tongue> it is actually called that by the way, Amazon has it for $100.65. It’s even reasonably priced and she could do her hypnotherapy work from it…but I think she likes me enough to keep me too. She’s looked at other tables, some that had gel, some that had memory foam, and others that had, now get this, they actually had heating pads in them. <Scoffs> Seriously? She keeps it pleasantly warm in here.

I really love my job, I am here in a support role. I support stuff, I support cats, and sometimes I support humans. The times I really get a high are when my Mistress lays on me and her mate wraps his arms around her, making a fist and fitting it on her spine, and then there’s a lot of pressure on me as I support them. Then I hear this crack, and my Mistress moans and just lays here limp. She thanks her mate, he helps her up and for 60 seconds I am doing my job supporting her and letting him pop her back…had you going there didn’t I you Fifty Shaders.

So, if my Mistress could actually hear me I think I would tell her how much I love her, not to listen to those dastardly scales, and just know that one day lots of people are going to need supported by me and her loving energy. I guess I could request that she touch me more often and sometime do it under the sheets so I could actually feel her touching me.

I’m Charli, I’m a massage table. Too bad I don’t have restraints. Ha-ha. Got’cha.

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