• conniegensamer

Life Changes

There is a day when you know that something monumental has happened…when everything you knew has shifted and a new chapter has started in your book of life. It is as if one day you are living your old life, something happens and then unexpectedly, EVERYTHING changes…

I am going through a shift in this moment. I can narrow it down to the week of April 19, 2017 when we went to the lake with some friends. I am not sure if it had been building up until that point or if it was the fact that I went through my ordination ceremony. Whatever it was, it has rippling effects.

Change #1: Last weekend I decided we needed to rearrange our house, pretty much completely. Why do we call it the Living room? Can we move everything to another room and it still be functional? Why is our bedroom in this location? Can we move it to another room and still be functional? The answers are fairly easy, and yes, it all can be moved around, still be functional and allow me to open up the living room as an office and get away point. It allows me to bring all of my art into one area and gives us more functionality in the house. When I go live with my business, it gives us space to allow my husband to be private and me to entertain or work with a client.

Change #2: I started meditating again. I start some music and sit. There is no timer, no judgment, just me sitting with the music and my breath. If my mind wanders, I bring it back and keep on going. I do not beat myself up about it, I just shepherd my mind back and allow whatever is going to happen to happen. I have enjoyed this time, whether it is 3 minutes or 20, I know the value that meditation can bring.

Change #3: I was asked to come back to work full time. 32 hours was really nice. I enjoyed my time playing, relaxing and even sleeping in. I allowed the change to happen more for the money than anything else. It went through this Monday. I was pissed that I allowed it, pissed that the company really does not care about its workers other than what the public can see, and I am still entry level after 11 years of service and about four different job titles.

To add to this, they want me to go back to a job that is usually high stress and high negativity. I do not like negativity, in my life, in my job, even coming from me. So, this is a double whammy.

And if all of this wasn’t enough, I have to give up my private office and move into the thrall of multiple individuals and bumping into their energy…daily.

Which leads to…

Change #4: I started asking the Universe, “How may I serve?” Does not sound too hard to do, does it? It is that moment of surrender, to ask, “How may I serve the Universe” instead of trying to lead my own life. To surrender to what is, to surrender to the current moment; to surrender to what Spirit has in mind for me. I have never really done that, and it has been several days running, especially in meditation. To submit. To surrender. To allow what is to come without a fight. Totally, not the old me…

Change #5: Connections with my husband have ramped up. I am NOT complaining. We have been married for 6 years going on seven this year. We have been together for much longer. Sorted tale of the messy side but we love each other and always have. I find myself falling more in love with him as each day passes. I am not sure where the change happened but again, I am not complaining.

Change #6: Fear seems to have vanished. Oh there is a little of it, but for the whole part, it is gone. I am in a state of allowance. Unsure of the future and I am ok with that. I feel like I am living with an open heart.

Today, there seems to be some excitement about all of the changes. Changing the house is exciting. Changing jobs. Being able to pay more bills because of more money because of more hours is exciting. There is gratitude. There is silence. There is a calm ocean under the monkey mind. And there is lots of love. Open-hearted and strong.

I hope by writing this down, I can come back and re-read it. That I can make it more real by expressing my changes and how they are effecting me. I want this to continue. That is my only prayer…may this truly be the new chapter that changes everything in positive ways.


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